The Power Of Respect

ARTICLES BY EMERSON

For over a year, I encouraged a wife to speak and show respect to her husband. This was a troubled marriage, lacking good will. Here's what she wrote one year later:

“Dear Dr. and Mrs.Eggerichs, Thought you might like to know that on New Years Day, exactly 1 year after I tried your teaching in practice, my husband said 'I Love You.' My heart was too full for a while to do anything but just treasure the moment, but I wanted to share it with those who helped it happen. Thanks again for your teaching and encouragement. Sincerely, B.H."

Respect Works!

Good things happen when a wife obeys God’s call on her life as revealed in Ephesians 5:33. "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (NIV).

Though a husband may not deserve respect and a wife may not feel any respect, contemptuous speech never touches the human spirit in a positive and lasting manner.

The Bible reveals that a wife's respect for her husband is as powerful as her husband's love is to her.

This is why Ephesians 5:33 says what it says.

A husband needs to feel respect for who he is in the same way a wife needs to feel love for who she is. When a husband's need for respect is met, he responds. Though a husband's response tends to be less sentimental than a wife's, the depth of that man's response is similar.

An Officer in Iraq

I just received an email from a wife whose husband is in Iraq with the Special Forces. She realized that she had not spoken words of respect to him. She sent him an email expressing her respect and confessing the wrongness of her disrespect. She did not expect him to respond with any depth. He was extremely busy and she felt the lack of face to face communication would undermine what she was conveying. But she said, “I was blown away.... He had gotten my e-mail and told me how much it meant. We spent 5 hours on line, when before I felt like he couldn't find time.... Since then our communication has been different, he has met me online early in the mornings just to connect, his idea not mine... I thought for sure your ideas wouldn't work.... I am grateful that your words opened my eyes to truths I had never understood... Thank you. P.S.”

By the way, this works even toward a disobedient husband. Check out 1 Peter 2:1,2 (NASB). Respect is powerful to touch any male spirit.

Here is what can happen to you when applying respect in words, facial expressions, and tones.

Through RESPECT TALK you can......

• Re-kindle moments of closeness in the midst of stress
• Open your husband's closed spirit when he feels everybody respects him but you
• Counter the misperception you are trying to be his mother
• Give him hope that you view him equal to you, not worse than you.
• Re-energize his deflated ego in the midst of outside factors that are discouraging him.

Will your marriage become a perfect 10? Though the Bible asserts love and respect can be experienced in marriage (Ephesians 5:33), the Bible also reveals that the married experience "trouble" (1 Corinthians 7:28).

RESPECT TALK is NOT a magic wand that when waved sprinkles mystical dust over a husband and wife, ushering them into marital Paradise. Let's get real. When two imperfect people marry those imperfections do not disappear. But the way such troubling temperaments and tempers are dealt with effectively is through love and respect. A husband's love softens his wife's disrespectful reactions. A wife's respect softens her husband's unloving reactions.

If a marriage is in a season of pain, mouthing words of respect may not remedy the sorrow. One wife spoke words of respect to her husband "with absolutely no response. I was a bit disappointed but the Lord spoke to my heart again and showed me that my words in the past had wounded him so deeply that my words of any significant affirmation no longer penetrated his heart because he learned to protect his heart from me. My words had become cheap. He needed to see action!!!" Is this why Peter highlights "respectful behavior" when a marriage is on the edge (1 Peter 3:1,2 NASB)?

Later this wife emailed, "He said he has seen tremendous changes in me and in my actions and words. These things have encouraged him to change too. He is loving me ever so deeply and wonderfully. Even our intimate times are far richer. My Beast is now becoming my Prince once again.

ARTICLES BY EMERSON

CONCEPTS FROM LOVE & RESPECT  http://loveandrespect.com/blog/power-of-respect-talk/

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HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF

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How TO LOVE YOURSELF

We spend so much time waiting to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, yearning for that special love. Feeling empty and lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works. Loving yourself is mainly having self-respect which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life to share with others. When you expect love from an external source, and someone or something does not fulfill your void and fantasies, then you will feel worse than before. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself as much as you do others. This guide will help.

1)
Treat others with love and respect. Bringing joy to other peoples' lives will help you find joy in your own. In addition, those that you treat well will likely repay you with the same kindness. Gradually you will start to feel your worth through the smiles of gratitude.

2)Create goodwill and thankfulness by practicing random deeds of kindness by sharing your being with others in many ways. Share your knowledge in nice ways or make a small donation to a needy elderly person or to an unfortunate child.







Share opportunities for your potential happiness by sharing goals and accomplishments with a special person or a group. Help a candidate or a political cause or a community project. Help at a school or church.

  3)
Express yourself, perhaps in letters, if that fits your circumstance, or write an article, when you have a topic. Share your ideals, time -- or things you have or get

4)Learn to let go of past events. You deserve a fresh beginning! There are a lot of people out there that have had hard lives/bad beginnings or moments. Don't close yourself out of grief, disappointments, or fears of future ridicule. Acknowledge your feelings, but work to put them behind you. Cherish what you have learned from your challenges, and how you have changed and grown from them.

5)Forgive yourself. Don't punish yourself for something you have done in the past. Instead, look at the mistake as a learning experience. Say to yourself now: “I forgive myself for _______.” Go look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself, look yourself right in the eyes and speak forgiveness like you mean it. Don't ever demean or ridicule yourself, or if you do then laugh realizing that was then and this is now. Every day is a new beginning.

6)Post positive statements up someplaces where you will see them each and every day. "I am beautiful." or "I have the courage to love." Read them outloud, every day, at least once, ideally at least ten times each time you notice one of them. Sticky notes are fabulous for such affirmations and goals.

(7)Sit in front of the mirror. Imagine in the mirror is someone putting you down. Then practicing calming replying to her, "I do 'not' care," with a smile. Practice it until you truly believe it

8)Try to look past "material" objects and feelings: We all want a nice house, nice things, someone to share our life with. Find your true wants objectively. Do you crave power, a religion or simply a motive? Sometimes it's easier to hide the truth from yourself, but figuring out what you really want will help you know yourself better and hopefully aid in answering important questions you often ask yoursel

9)Keep a journal. Write about your experiences, good and bad. When you write down good experiences, allow yourself to feel those feelings. When you remember bad experiences, allow yourself to feel self-compassion. Compassion is not self-pity, but rather willingness to be present/accept with one's own pain and regret. Most people experienced chronic emotional invalidation growing up; adults shouldn't expect others to be validating, and need to learn how to validate themselves. Compassion allows us to be present with our pain so it can acknowledged and let go.

10)Be Persistent. Work as steadily as you can at loving and accepting yourself just as you are right now. A large part of love is accepting another "as is". This is no different for yourself—learn to love yourself "as is". Only after we've accepted themselves we might think about changing some less-than desirable characteristics.

11)Start working toward how and what you want to do and be. Do so with a positive attitude by working toward your higher purposes and greater appreciation of your problems as motivating your finding new and better opportunities. Be enthusiastic and cheerful (appropriately).

12)Define yourself by what you've accomplished rather than what you haven't. Remember that success is not a destination. Success is making progress (toward the desires of your heart). Accept yourself, and others will follow your lead.

13)Hug Yourself. Show yourself love through a hug by hugging the real you

14)Be yourself. Be who you really are, express yourself, laugh, play, sing. Don't be afraid of what others think, they feel the same way and want to express themselves, but are afraid to show it too.

15)Trust yourself. Don't just blindly follow other peoples suggestions. Learn to trust who you really are.

　
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5 steps on how to Respect your self

Having respect for others is difficult if you have no respect for yourself. The idea of self-respect is very closely related to self-confidence, but respect is more about what you do whereas confidence is about how you feel. The two go hand-in-hand. This article, however, will focus on how you can demonstrate respect for yourself. Odds are, when you do these things, you'll find your confidence increases as well.



Step 1

Think about what it means to respect someone. The qualities that we respect vary from person to person, and the way we express it varies from culture to culture. Generally, we respect people who have more experience and are more accomplished than ourselves. But there is also a basic level of respect that most people will agree is a right, and does not need to be earned. Consider what that kind of respect (which we'll refer to as basic respect) entails. Here are some widely agreed upon signals of respect:


Step 2

Practice basic respect towards yourself. Whatever you believe to be respect, apply it to yourself. . Don't insult yourself. Don't steal from yourself (like recklessly putting everything on credit; you're essentially taking money from your future self, because you'll have to pay up eventually). Be honest with yourself. And develop your own opinions. See How to Be a Skeptic and How to Think for Yourself.

Step 3

Recognize when people disrespect you, and take steps to stop it. A person with self respect doesn't allow others to treat them badly, and would rather not associate with someone who is disrespectful. This might seem obvious, but there are many times when we accept being treated badly (in both big and small ways) because we believe the person doesn't know any better, or because we're not willing to let that person go, or because we're too down on ourselves to believe we deserve better. When someone doesn't give you basic respect, you need to be able to say, in one way or another, "You just disrespected me and that's not acceptable to me. If you don't respect me, I won't spend time with you anymore." Can you say that, and mean it? Can you turn your back on someone who's clearly shown that they don't respect you? Once you do, you'll feel your sense of self-respect go up.

Step 4

Take care of your body. A person who neglects their health fails to see how lucky they are to be alive. When you make an effort to keep your body in good working order, you'll not only feel better physically, but you'll also feel a sense of pride. Respecting your body also means not insulting it for what it is, naturally. Don't trash yourself over the things you can't control, like your proportions. Focus on the things you can change and improve, like your BMI. And do it because it feels good, not because you think you're not "good enough" the way you are.

Step 5

Get to know yourself. The more you understand about yourself, the more you'll see and appreciate how unique you really are, and the more you'll respect yourself. Discover your principles, personality, and talents. Stop pandering to other people's approval and start developing your own standards. Someone else might respect a fancy title, but you might respect creativity. Whose opinion matters more, in this case?



How to Develop RESPECT for YourselfWritten by Tejvan Pettinger



Self-respect is a fundamental for a great life. If we lack self-respect we will be insecure and strive to be someone we are not. To develop self-respect means to cultivate the self confidence to deal with whatever life throws at us. The following are some ways we can improve our self-respect. Remember, self-respect comes from an inner belief and not an egoistic feeling of superiority.

1. Be True to Yourself

There is great social pressure from parents, work and society to become a certain person and to achieve certain things. It is a pressure hard to detach from. But, a real self-respect only comes from being true to our inner calling. It is important you have faith in your own values and remember what is important to you. Just because other people think you should behave in a certain way, doesn’t mean they are right. Everyone needs to follow their own path. Even if others don’t respect your decision it is important that you do. Just ask yourself whether you come into the world to please Tom, Dick and Harry or live your own life?

2. Learn to Handle Criticism

We are sensitive beings. Nobody likes criticism and when we are criticized, either directly or indirectly, we feel bad about ourself – even if the criticism is not justified. To maintain a sense of self respect, we need to learn how to deal with criticism. Don’t take criticism personally. Look at it from a detached perspective. Maybe it is false, in which case we should ignore it. If their is some truth, we can use it to develop our character. However, it is important not to take criticism too personally. Just because we are not very good at a particular task, doesn’t mean we need to lose our self respect.

3. Look After Your Appearance, Without Being a Slave to Fashion

Our appearance is important. It can give us confidence or it can make us feel awkward. Take care of our appearance; dressing smart for the right occasion gives us self confidence. At the same time, we don’t want to be the slave of fashion trends. Dress for your own benefit; don’t dress in the expectation of pleasing others and receiving complements.

4. Avoid Jealousy

Jealousy of other people’s success is a common way of losing our happiness and self respect. Jealousy is simply envy of other people’s success. We feel miserable that we cannot enjoy their success. Sometimes it can even lead us to knocking the other person. If we follow this path of jealousy we will definitely lose our sense of self respect. When we are constantly comparing ourselves to others, we are saying our self respect depends on being better than others. But, the truth is, there will always be some people more successful than ourself. The trick to lasting self respect is to be happy through others success. We should never feel that other people’s success in any way diminishes our self worth.

5. Remember your Motivation, Not Results

Sometimes we work with best of motives and the best of intentions only to be disappointed by the outcome. The problem is that we equate our self respect to outer displays of wealth, success and social standing. It is the nature of life, that things will not turn out as we hoped, but, it is a mistake to link our sense of self worth to the achievement of external targets. Self respect comes when we value our attitude to life and other people. Even if things go badly don’t lose your self respect. Work with the best of intentions and gain your self respect from that.

6. Respect Others

If you have no respect for others, how can you have self-respect? Self respect means we have an inner confidence and inner assurance, but this is not a confidence built on superiority. It is the wrong approach to try and feel better by putting others down. If we look for the good qualities in other people, it is easier to remember the good qualities in ourselves.

7. Never Hate Yourself

We make mistakes, we may do the wrong thing; but we should never put ourselves down unnecessarily. If we are not careful we start bitterly regretting things and even disliking ourselves. We should never hate our self, it is very destructive. Listen to your conscience, but, don’t be too hard on yourself and feel burdened with guilt.

8. Forgive

Forgive others and forgive yourself. Don’t live in the past, but, move on from past mistakes and difficult situations. If your mind is occupied with problems from the past, you will always feel guilty and unworthy. Don’t allow your self worth to be determined by past mistakes.

9. Be Selfless

The way to self respect is not through a bloated sense of pride; this is a false type of self respect. We may think that the praise of others boosts our self respect, but, actually this praise creates a vulnerable ego. If our self respect is based on the praise of others then our self respect will be very tenuous. Self respect should not be dependent on the praise of others; it should be independent of others praise.

10. Don’t Keep up With the Joneses

You will not be able to build self respect if you are permanently striving to impress others with outer displays. People who are impressed with material wealth and social standing

are probably the kind of people not worth impressing anyway. Be comfortable with what you have, not what you think will impress others.